In applying “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” there’s an order of operations:
A slight misunderstanding might go like this:
Someone slaps me. Let’s call him “Jim,”
In response, I say to myself, “If I slapped Jim, I’d want Jim to punch me in the face and set me straight!! I wouldn’t want anyone to let me get away with that. I would absolutely want to be punished for doing something so awful. So that’s what I’m going to do to Jim.”
No, no, no. That’s applying it backwards. And it’s not going to uncover the internal peace Jesus was guiding his audience to discover.
I did not slap Jim. Jim slapped me. So for “Do unto others…” to work, I need to stay in the situation and ask “What would I have Jim do unto me, instead of slapping me?” And THAT is what I’m called to do to him.
Here’s how I do it:
First: I identify what I would have Jim do in that exact situation (there’s no right answer, only my answer):
Perhaps I would have Jim…
Manage his emotions more constructively.
Reject even the thought of using violence against me.
Use words to express his feelings.
Stay in his own business.
Let go of his need to control me.
Whatever I come up with, I behave that way toward Jim:
I manage MY emotions more constructively.
I reject even the thought of using violence against Jim.
I use words to express my feelings.
I stay in my own business.
I let go of my need to control Jim.
And I watch my suffering begin to unravel.
When I do unto others the exact thing I would have them do unto me, in that exact situation, I am turning the key that unlocks MY OWN PEACE. I am providing the very antidote I need to free myself from suffering. I don’t need the other person to do it. I return to myself and my own peaceful true nature, which is all I’ve needed all along.
Sally lies and tells me she’s not having a party. I find out that she is having a party and I’m just not invited.
First: I ask myself, “What would I have Sally do?” (In that exact situation about the party)
I would have Sally respect our friendship.
I would have Sally consider my feelings.
I would have Sally be straightforward with me and tell me how she really feels in (a kind way).
Second: I do that unto Sally.
I respect our friendship
I consider Sally’s feelings.
I am straightforward with Sally and tell her how I really feel (in a kind way).
“Doing unto others...” is always about freeing ME to connect wholeheartedly with ‘what is’ from the comfort and safety of my own kind and peaceful true nature.
If I’m ever confused about how to find peace with another person, all I need to do is identify what I would have them do unto me, and I’ll know exactly what actions to take to bring myself that peace.