Every life problem I experience can be distilled down to the thought, “I am not okay.”
Which means I only have one solution to any life problem: To recognize that I am okay.
(…and that I always have been okay and always will be okay.)
I may find myself suffering in some situation, but if I am suffering, it’s the suffering that’s the problem, not the situation.
It’s the suffering I’m trying to correct. It’s the suffering I’m trying to stop. It’s the suffering I’m trying to ensure never returns.
I may think it’s the situation that needs correction, but the situation is neither here nor there because all situations are neutral. The situation is anything and everything depending on my perspective. The situation has no meaning at all until I give it meaning with my story. And when I write a story of not being okay in this situation, that’s when I suffer. And not before.
So if I think I’m not okay, that is the problem. I’m confused. And if I go to work trying to clear up the situation and not my confusion, I am distracting myself from the root of my problem and missing the opportunity to solve it. That’s why all my attempts to solve problems by affecting situations end in continued suffering (and almost always leave me with new problems). Because I’m not addressing my actual problem which is that I’m confused and think…
I.
Am.
Not.
Okay.
Which - aside from what I’m thinking and believing - is never true.
Attempting to organize the situation in the interest of okay-ness…Does. Not. Work.
Because the problem isn’t in the situation. It’s in thinking I’m not okay in the situation. Which, aside from what I’m thinking and believing, is always false. 100% of the time.
When I manipulate situations in an attempt to be okay, I’m just shifting my not-okay-ness from one context to another. I’m changing the drapes and hoping the view changes, not realizing that changing my view requires that I do something with ME (like taking a new perspective).
If I don’t think I’m okay, I will always find an interpretation of my situation that confirms I’m not okay, no matter the situation.
If I recognize that I am always okay, I will never be able to find a situation where I’m not okay, no matter the situation.
I can learn to be okay, no matter the situation, by honestly questioning every thought that tells me I am not okay, by getting quiet, dropping my stressful story for a moment, opening my mind and going in search of the TRUTH. Whose truth? Mine. No one else’s. When I can do that (and it’s not easy), I find that the truth is ...
I.
Am.
Okay.
Always.
When I recognize it, every problem falls away.
“But what about all the other problems in the world, all the problems affecting others, all the people who are not okay? The world’s a mess!”
Well…
First recognize that I am okay in this situation (...of others not being okay).
Won’t I be better equipped to address issues in the world when I recognize that I am okay?
If I am okay...
Who will I not be empowered to talk to?
Who will I not be able to sit with?
Where will I not be able to go?
What will I not be able to risk?
What will I not be able to endure?
What will I not be able to stop doing?
There’s a clear order of operations: first I have to come to a stable recognition that I’m always okay in the world, then (and only then) will I be able to affect situations in a truly constructive and sustainable way.