When I regret something I am arguing with reality, and reality is always peaceful and kind prior to my argument with it.
No argument with reality means no separation from peace and kindness, which means there’s nothing to regret.
Then I think, “If I don’t regret anything, I’ll be a dick. I’ll be uncaring and unsympathetic toward anyone I negatively affect with my actions.” I think, “Nice people regret when they cause other people pain.” But this is just another way of saying, “If I am a nice person, I must hurt myself when I have caused another person pain. - because nice people don’t hurt people.”
See the problem?
If “nice people” refrain from causing pain, how am I contributing to harmony in the world when I inject more pain into it. If my goal is to free the world from pain, what use is my pain to anyone?
Maybe to make the other person feel better? That sounds reasonable - and nice. I notice people often want to exchange pain for pain and I notice I want to give people what they want. Certainly it can be satisfying in the short term for the other person to have me hurt when they hurt. They see it as evidence that I understand my part in their pain and that I care, that I am aware of their pain and that it matters to me. They see that I don’t want them to hurt and am interested in staying connected to them.
But is my pain necessary to accomplish these goals? Can I express my caring and acknowledge my part in someone else’s pain without inflicting pain on myself?
I find that I can. I find it is not only entirely possible to acknowledge and care about someone else’s pain, I find I respond more lovingly and supportively when I am not dragging around my own pain.
I find I can listen better, stay connected longer and examine new perspectives more readily.
If I can painlessly acknowledge the real or perceived impact of my actions on another person and allow it to inform my actions NOW, I find I can stay totally connected with someone. I have no need to defend anything, so I can be completely open to the other person’s experience of me.
When I’m free from regret, when I’m not busy adding my pain to their pain, I’m free to add my compassion to their pain, my understanding to their pain, my caring to their pain, my LOVE to their pain. And when I do that, I find I can hear all about their pain and what I can do to alleviate it. Lay it on me.
When I am not stuck in a war with another time, I am free to be totally present in THIS moment and respond to what is right in front of me out of my peaceful and kind true nature.