When I’m trying to be a good person, I’m not being a good person.
I used to try sooooo hard to be a good person. And it seemed that everywhere I went, I was met with resistance.
I would curse Reality: “I’m trying so hard to be a good person! Why do you keep getting in my way? Why do you thwart me at every turn? Do you not want me to be good?”
It has taken me years to hear it, but here’s what Reality has responded:
“I DO want you to be a good person, which is why I made you the way I fucking made you.
What, do you think I’m nuts? You think I made you “bad” and I’m looking for YOU to correct my fucking mistakes?
Um…no. I got this shit right. So knock off all the TRYING!
It suggests you are not already good. And, man, if I wasn’t all-powerful, I’d be fucking insulted. But don’t worry, I’m just shaking my head because I see it so clearly:
The reason shit isn’t working out for you is because you’re getting in the way: you’re taking everything I’ve set up for you and you’re fucking with it. I made you good from the start. Get on board with it. Calm the fuck down and just be as I made you. It takes no effort. Stop arguing with it and everything will go how it’s supposed to go.”
The thing to recognize is this: You can’t see the whole playing field. You have no idea why I made you as you are. Because you can’t. You can’t grasp it. Your experience is too narrow (which is exactly as it should be). Just trust me and fucking go with it, okay? I’ve got a plan and it’s all going to work out in your favor if you can just stop playing God for a moment let me handle it, alright?
Phew!
Okay: here’s how you’ll know what I want for you: You do something. Anything. Then I will always respond with exactly what you NEED in that moment for everything to turn out in your favor.
You just go right ahead and ask for something or try to get something. If you need it, you will have it. If you need to NOT have it I will make damn sure you do NOT get it. Why? Because I’ve got you.
Everything that happens gives me a chance to care for you and point you in the right direction. It doesn’t matter what you do, I will always care for you and point you in the right direction - whether you appreciate it or question it or throw it back in my face.
And you will never, ever, receive a punishment. If you ever think you are, you’re confused. All you’re ever receiving from me are gifts.
Starting with the gift of your innate goodness, right now, without even trying.”